LEADDRAFT
04-28-2004, 12:17 PM
:D
I came across this and couldn't help but posting............
Hope everyone finds it as funny as I did....
This is a True and funny story I Found in a local paper. Does any of this sound familar...
Toilet Purchase more dangerous than a Pot deal
Before we bought our house,
It sat Vacant through the winter.
This would have been fine if the
water pipes had been drained, but
since they weren't, we were left
with a few pipes in need of repair.
For example when the toilet
was running for no reason with
some leakage below, I found
hairline cracks at the bottom of
the bowl, another casualty of
sub-zero temperatures.
I went to the hardware store and
purchased an average model toilet
and brought it home and installed it.
Because it was an old house and the
way the pipes were installed the
toilet did not even have enough power
to flush out the water with nothing
else in it. I brought it back to the
hardware store and I was informed that
the only toilets now available are the
new, low-flow toilets.
"I just want the same
model," I told him.
"They haven't sold those
since '94," he said. "The government
decided to save water,
making them illegal. The best
you can do is a 1.5 GPF"
"GPF?" I asked.
"Gallons per flush. Uses less
'water, but doesn't pack much of
a punch," he said.
I replied: "Do you know any,
dealers that might carry the old
toilets?"
"That would be illegal for me
to even suggest such a place he
countered.
I said I understood and he said
I would need to check out the junk yards,
and..."
"Hold on," he said. "It would
be illegal for me to suggest a place;
however, if you happened
to find a card on the floor ..."
Pulling a card from his pock-
et, the hardware man he let it
fall to the ground. When I
picked it up, he was gone.
After several hours driving around I
I found the place in a bad part
of town. It was an old, dilapidated
building with broken
windows. A shady character
smoking a cigar sat behind the
counter. "I'm looking for old
toilet," I said. He got up, closed
the door, and pulled the shade
down.
"What makes you think I
carry illegal merchandise?" he
asked, blowing cigar smoke in
my face."
"Word on the street," I said.
"Look, I don't want any trouble,
I just need an old toilet."
He asked: "How do I know you're
not a cop?"
At this point I decided to
come clean
"Hey, I'm not here to play
games. We can just forget the whole
thing, I'll just go."
"Calm down," he said. "I did
a nickel stretch in San Quentin
for illegal toilets and I have to be
careful."
I replied: "I understand. So,
can we do business now?"
"Follow me," the proprietor
said, walking to a heavy metal
door in the back. Opening a padlock
the size of a car battery, he pushed
open the door and threw on a light
light switch, illuminating
row upon row of gleaming toilets,
lined up like soldiers.
"These first three rows are all 3.5 GPF " he said. "Gallons
per flush," I replied.
"You know your toilet abbreviations,"
he said. "I'm impressed." ,
"Who do you think you're
dealing with, some kid?" I
asked.
"I'm sorry I misjudged you,"
he said
Now that I had his respect, I
Could negotiate a better deal. I
saw a small section of toilets
near the back. "What about
those?" I asked.
"You do know your stuff!”
Those are top of the line bowls,
with a 6.5 GPF!"
Upon hearing this, it was difficult
to remain Calm, but I didn't want to
blow this deal. "I'll
take one," I said.
"They're pricey; are you sure
you don't want "
"Enough talk," I said. "Let's
do the deal!" I couldn't show
any weakness now; I had come
too far. He went back, disassembled it,
and packed it in a box,
marked "Government Approved,
Low-Flush Toilet."
Driving home, I kept my
eyes on the rear-view mirror,
making sure I wasn't followed.
Back at the house, my knees buckled
as the shock of what I had
done sunk in. I had seen a side of "
me that I didn't know existed. It
took a 6.5 GPF toilet to bring out
the evil within, just to have a toilet
that could suck down a basketball.
There are drawbacks.
I can never allow a guest in my home
to use it. The risk is too great, they
would call the government toilet hotline
and turn me in. The rest of my life,
I will be looking over my shoulder,
living in a constant state of paranoia.
Am I sorry I did it? No.
Would I do it again? Probably
not, since the government just
enacted the new "Three Flushes, You're Out" Law.
I wouldn't want to end up on
a chain gang.
I came across this and couldn't help but posting............
Hope everyone finds it as funny as I did....
This is a True and funny story I Found in a local paper. Does any of this sound familar...
Toilet Purchase more dangerous than a Pot deal
Before we bought our house,
It sat Vacant through the winter.
This would have been fine if the
water pipes had been drained, but
since they weren't, we were left
with a few pipes in need of repair.
For example when the toilet
was running for no reason with
some leakage below, I found
hairline cracks at the bottom of
the bowl, another casualty of
sub-zero temperatures.
I went to the hardware store and
purchased an average model toilet
and brought it home and installed it.
Because it was an old house and the
way the pipes were installed the
toilet did not even have enough power
to flush out the water with nothing
else in it. I brought it back to the
hardware store and I was informed that
the only toilets now available are the
new, low-flow toilets.
"I just want the same
model," I told him.
"They haven't sold those
since '94," he said. "The government
decided to save water,
making them illegal. The best
you can do is a 1.5 GPF"
"GPF?" I asked.
"Gallons per flush. Uses less
'water, but doesn't pack much of
a punch," he said.
I replied: "Do you know any,
dealers that might carry the old
toilets?"
"That would be illegal for me
to even suggest such a place he
countered.
I said I understood and he said
I would need to check out the junk yards,
and..."
"Hold on," he said. "It would
be illegal for me to suggest a place;
however, if you happened
to find a card on the floor ..."
Pulling a card from his pock-
et, the hardware man he let it
fall to the ground. When I
picked it up, he was gone.
After several hours driving around I
I found the place in a bad part
of town. It was an old, dilapidated
building with broken
windows. A shady character
smoking a cigar sat behind the
counter. "I'm looking for old
toilet," I said. He got up, closed
the door, and pulled the shade
down.
"What makes you think I
carry illegal merchandise?" he
asked, blowing cigar smoke in
my face."
"Word on the street," I said.
"Look, I don't want any trouble,
I just need an old toilet."
He asked: "How do I know you're
not a cop?"
At this point I decided to
come clean
"Hey, I'm not here to play
games. We can just forget the whole
thing, I'll just go."
"Calm down," he said. "I did
a nickel stretch in San Quentin
for illegal toilets and I have to be
careful."
I replied: "I understand. So,
can we do business now?"
"Follow me," the proprietor
said, walking to a heavy metal
door in the back. Opening a padlock
the size of a car battery, he pushed
open the door and threw on a light
light switch, illuminating
row upon row of gleaming toilets,
lined up like soldiers.
"These first three rows are all 3.5 GPF " he said. "Gallons
per flush," I replied.
"You know your toilet abbreviations,"
he said. "I'm impressed." ,
"Who do you think you're
dealing with, some kid?" I
asked.
"I'm sorry I misjudged you,"
he said
Now that I had his respect, I
Could negotiate a better deal. I
saw a small section of toilets
near the back. "What about
those?" I asked.
"You do know your stuff!”
Those are top of the line bowls,
with a 6.5 GPF!"
Upon hearing this, it was difficult
to remain Calm, but I didn't want to
blow this deal. "I'll
take one," I said.
"They're pricey; are you sure
you don't want "
"Enough talk," I said. "Let's
do the deal!" I couldn't show
any weakness now; I had come
too far. He went back, disassembled it,
and packed it in a box,
marked "Government Approved,
Low-Flush Toilet."
Driving home, I kept my
eyes on the rear-view mirror,
making sure I wasn't followed.
Back at the house, my knees buckled
as the shock of what I had
done sunk in. I had seen a side of "
me that I didn't know existed. It
took a 6.5 GPF toilet to bring out
the evil within, just to have a toilet
that could suck down a basketball.
There are drawbacks.
I can never allow a guest in my home
to use it. The risk is too great, they
would call the government toilet hotline
and turn me in. The rest of my life,
I will be looking over my shoulder,
living in a constant state of paranoia.
Am I sorry I did it? No.
Would I do it again? Probably
not, since the government just
enacted the new "Three Flushes, You're Out" Law.
I wouldn't want to end up on
a chain gang.