outfishin28
10-07-2008, 10:32 PM
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to the coast
and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel
was invented to get man to the beer. These were the
foundations of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups:
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was
the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
the aluminum can had been invented yet, so while our early
ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is now known as the Conservative movement. Other men who
were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the
conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing,
fetching, and hair dressing. (It Takes A Village). This was the beginning of
the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy
liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept
of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat a nd
beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat
raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting
evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists,
dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat
red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives
are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,
corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies
hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America .
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created
a business of trying to get something for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge
to angrily respond to the above.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be sent immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off. And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.
nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to the coast
and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel
was invented to get man to the beer. These were the
foundations of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct
subgroups:
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was
the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
the aluminum can had been invented yet, so while our early
ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is now known as the Conservative movement. Other men who
were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the
conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing,
fetching, and hair dressing. (It Takes A Village). This was the beginning of
the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy
liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept
of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat a nd
beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat
raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting
evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists,
dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat
red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives
are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,
corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies
hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America .
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created
a business of trying to get something for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge
to angrily respond to the above.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be sent immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off. And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.