SkunkApe
01-31-2009, 05:57 AM
So I posted a "Room for rent" on craigslist.com. Here's one response I got:
I know it's very long winded, but it's worth it..
"Hi There,
How re you doing? I hope all is well. I'm Rose Kelly, am 26 yrs old and Am originally from Barcelona, Spain . Graduate of Huelva University on the Costa de la Luz ,
I have a master degree in interior fashion and I work as a professional fashion designer. I moved to , AZ two year ago for work and that's where am living. I'm am not in the states right now, i am presently in West Africa .
I am currently working on contract for a company call (African Family Home Fashions) here in West Africa ( Nigeria ) which the contract will be ending soon. I will be returning to the states in two weeks time and I don't want to go back to my where am living in because my house rent has expired there.
Here are the questions i would like to know?
A}I will like to know the major intersection nearest your neighborhood.like shopping mall,Churches,bus line e.t.c
B}I will like to know the total cost for the my initial move as in first month rent and if you accept deposit.
C}I will like to know if there is any garage or parking space cos I will have my own car come over.
D} Friends over?
E}I will like to have the description of the room, size, and the equipments in there.
F}I will also like to know Your payment mode.
G}I will like to know if I can make an advance payment ahead my arrival that will be stand as a kind of commitment that I am truly coming over and for you to hold the room down for me. I will be very glad to have all this questions answered with out leaving a stone unturned...
Now a little about myself;I am from Barcelona, Spain : that means i am Spanish and had all my education in Spain . I am 26yrs old and very much single,the only child of my only parent, my mother alive, i lost my father and my only brother years ago while i was still a kid in an auto accident.I am currently living with my mom who's a catholic volunteer worker,but also manages her antique business. She is a volunteer at the sister's of the eucharistic heart of jesus convent,here in Barcelona , Spain . I have been wanted to relocated to the US longtime ago even while i was a little girl growing up and my mom is in support.It' been a long dreamed come true for me when i finally settled in the US now. I have chosen your city for me to live when i arrive.
I am easy to get along with and well mannered. I do not use people's items without permission and consideration. Kindly get back to me ASAP with the your monthly rent and the deposit i need to pay to enable you turn down other interested parties and keep the place for me until i arrive,because i will like to pay for the deposit before my arrival and i will like to know the total amount the rent for a whole year would be,as i am more interested in a long term lease,but still open to any form of lease you want. But i will like to pay the deposit first of all before i arrive to show my seriousness and so that you can hold the place for me until i arrive.I am single as i said and i am not attached to anyone at the moment.
I do part time modeling; i call myself an amateur though,LOL just something i take as a hobby and also i have a masters degree in interior fashion which i bagged from the Huelva University on the Costa de la Luz in Spain. I will be looking to pick up Fashion Designer jobs once i arrive in ur city, Fashion Designer is my life and i love it. I am new living all alone as i have lived with my mom alone in the past but i have no doubts in my mind about my ability to live peacefully with as i was raised to be a lover of peace.
A friend just introduced me to this thing and i really wish that i am able to find the good cultured kind of Place i am looking for here. I hope i am doing it right anyways.LOL Well,i think we will get along well because am a easy going person who respects ones privacy,like i said i don't do drugs or smoke but i drink only occasionally,i strongly believe there will be any problems living with me as i was raised by strong catholic Christian parents and have imbibed such good qualities from childhood. I will love to see your pis and those of the place as well.I'll be so glad if you can reserve the room for me and remove all your the adverts about the place as I'll love to rent the place. Get back to me ASAP,
Thanks and have a good time.
Warmest Regards,
Rose"
So I responded......well hell he/she said they were Spanish??...
Por favor envíeme un cheque por $7000 para el alquiler y, a continuación, voy a enviar de vuelta la diferencia. También, por favor insertar un coco su imbécil.
When translated is:
Please send me a check for $7000 for the rent and, next, I am going to send of return the difference. Also, please do insert a large Coconut into your brown starfish! :)
And here's the response;
Hi There,
I got your mail. Thanks for getting back to me so quick and I am extremely interested in ur room since you said you are not expecting it to be too long and i don't want you to rent it out to any other person......
I will inform company client I worked in the states for before I quit to arrange for my last payment to you so that you can deduct the payment of the room out of it. You seem to be a very good and nice person. I want you to know that i'm a very straight forward and honest person. I contacted the person who i worked for when i was in the states. The man is owing me and he is ready to pay me with check. I will be paying ahead my arrival for a month, which is very importan t and that will secure the Place for me, and as soon as I arrive others important things will be taken care of before moving in the Place.
I want you t o know that the first month payment will be made in full via Certified Bank Cashier's Check or Money Order and that will stand as commitment ahead my arrival. So i will inform him to issue out the check to you, so that the check can stand as the payment of the room. All you got to do now is to send me your full name name, contact address and phone number so that i can forward it to my client who will issue the check out to you. As soon as i get these info i requested for, i will forward them to my client immediately.
As soon as you receive the check you will deduct the first month plus deposit out from the Check, and you will now help me forward the remaining balance to my traveling manager so that i can use it to book for my flight back to the states, when i get to the states i will pay the rest. I just want to make sure i get the room before i get back to the state. I will like stay there for a year even more that till when i will have my own personal place but I will prefer month to month lease.
More About me: ABOUT ME:
Name: Rose Kelly
E yes: Black
Age: 26yrs
Height: 5' 6' (167cm)
Weight: 122 pounds (55.0 kg)
Body Style: Athletic/Fit Activity
Level: Active
Smoking: No
Drinking: So cially
Marital Status: Single
Children: I have no kids
Sign: Virgo
Languages I speak: English & Spanish Ethnicity: Spanish
Religion:Catholic/Christianity
Education: MCSA/MCSE
Occupation: Fashion Designer
My favorites are;
My favorite cuisines: Barbecue, Chinese/Dim Sum, Deli, Eastern-European, Fast Food/Pizza, French, Greek,Indian, Italian, Japanese/Sushi, Mexican, Seafood,
Soul Food, Thai, Vietnamese
My favorite music: Dance/Electronic, Disco, Easy Listening, Pop/Top 40, Rap/Hip Hop, Soul/R&B and Soundtracks.
My favorite physical activities: Basketball, Working Out, Dancing, Swimming and Hiking/Walking.
I love traveling, sporting and enjoy meeting people. I don't smoke or drink but i do not mind people who do being around me. Am cool headed and easy going person with no criminal record and i like to have a roommate or unneighborly who is very responsible and understanding,someone i can really get a long. I do have a job lined up for me when i arrive there. As soon as you get this
mail pls get back to me with the info i requested for so that every thing can be done fast. I am so much interested in the place. Take care and I w ill be looking forward to hear from you soon.
Thanks and have a good time.
Warmest Regards,
Rose
Hmmm...so here's my response;
(I wrote it in Spanish, just because this clown couldn't know Spanish from Swahili. So I'll spare you the translation route.)
I have a three pets, a hyena, mountain lion and a water buffalo that are all inside pets. It's imperative that you stay on top of their droppings, as they sleep in your room.
I know you don't smoke or drink, but I smoke about 450 packs a day there's an operating Moon-shine still that will reside in your room, I hope that's ok.
Also, I have a conjoined Siamese twin named Horonomous that is normally calm, but does have Tourette syndrome and will stike out to anyone or anything within 10 feet. You are required to be armed with a tranquilizer gun at all times when in the house.
The front yard is beautiful, and I would expect you help keep it that way. I will require at least 13 hours of yard work a day. It doesn't matter if you do it in the day time or at night.
We are in the flight path of a major airport. Typically about 1 or 2 commercial airliners crash into the house a week. It's ok, as I'm an excellent handyman and I will have the house rebuilt in a couple of days. I'll need some help...you can dip your self in tar & feathers and parade around the property to attract the wolves, which helps distract the knife wielding monkeys that live in our illustrious trees.
We will have house guests, my friends the Hell's Angels, Mongrols, and frequently Lucifer will pay us a visit. But no worries, Lucifer always posses Horonomous. Again the traniqualizer gun.
Please contact me soon!
(Habla Espanol??)
Skunk
I know it's very long winded, but it's worth it..
"Hi There,
How re you doing? I hope all is well. I'm Rose Kelly, am 26 yrs old and Am originally from Barcelona, Spain . Graduate of Huelva University on the Costa de la Luz ,
I have a master degree in interior fashion and I work as a professional fashion designer. I moved to , AZ two year ago for work and that's where am living. I'm am not in the states right now, i am presently in West Africa .
I am currently working on contract for a company call (African Family Home Fashions) here in West Africa ( Nigeria ) which the contract will be ending soon. I will be returning to the states in two weeks time and I don't want to go back to my where am living in because my house rent has expired there.
Here are the questions i would like to know?
A}I will like to know the major intersection nearest your neighborhood.like shopping mall,Churches,bus line e.t.c
B}I will like to know the total cost for the my initial move as in first month rent and if you accept deposit.
C}I will like to know if there is any garage or parking space cos I will have my own car come over.
D} Friends over?
E}I will like to have the description of the room, size, and the equipments in there.
F}I will also like to know Your payment mode.
G}I will like to know if I can make an advance payment ahead my arrival that will be stand as a kind of commitment that I am truly coming over and for you to hold the room down for me. I will be very glad to have all this questions answered with out leaving a stone unturned...
Now a little about myself;I am from Barcelona, Spain : that means i am Spanish and had all my education in Spain . I am 26yrs old and very much single,the only child of my only parent, my mother alive, i lost my father and my only brother years ago while i was still a kid in an auto accident.I am currently living with my mom who's a catholic volunteer worker,but also manages her antique business. She is a volunteer at the sister's of the eucharistic heart of jesus convent,here in Barcelona , Spain . I have been wanted to relocated to the US longtime ago even while i was a little girl growing up and my mom is in support.It' been a long dreamed come true for me when i finally settled in the US now. I have chosen your city for me to live when i arrive.
I am easy to get along with and well mannered. I do not use people's items without permission and consideration. Kindly get back to me ASAP with the your monthly rent and the deposit i need to pay to enable you turn down other interested parties and keep the place for me until i arrive,because i will like to pay for the deposit before my arrival and i will like to know the total amount the rent for a whole year would be,as i am more interested in a long term lease,but still open to any form of lease you want. But i will like to pay the deposit first of all before i arrive to show my seriousness and so that you can hold the place for me until i arrive.I am single as i said and i am not attached to anyone at the moment.
I do part time modeling; i call myself an amateur though,LOL just something i take as a hobby and also i have a masters degree in interior fashion which i bagged from the Huelva University on the Costa de la Luz in Spain. I will be looking to pick up Fashion Designer jobs once i arrive in ur city, Fashion Designer is my life and i love it. I am new living all alone as i have lived with my mom alone in the past but i have no doubts in my mind about my ability to live peacefully with as i was raised to be a lover of peace.
A friend just introduced me to this thing and i really wish that i am able to find the good cultured kind of Place i am looking for here. I hope i am doing it right anyways.LOL Well,i think we will get along well because am a easy going person who respects ones privacy,like i said i don't do drugs or smoke but i drink only occasionally,i strongly believe there will be any problems living with me as i was raised by strong catholic Christian parents and have imbibed such good qualities from childhood. I will love to see your pis and those of the place as well.I'll be so glad if you can reserve the room for me and remove all your the adverts about the place as I'll love to rent the place. Get back to me ASAP,
Thanks and have a good time.
Warmest Regards,
Rose"
So I responded......well hell he/she said they were Spanish??...
Por favor envíeme un cheque por $7000 para el alquiler y, a continuación, voy a enviar de vuelta la diferencia. También, por favor insertar un coco su imbécil.
When translated is:
Please send me a check for $7000 for the rent and, next, I am going to send of return the difference. Also, please do insert a large Coconut into your brown starfish! :)
And here's the response;
Hi There,
I got your mail. Thanks for getting back to me so quick and I am extremely interested in ur room since you said you are not expecting it to be too long and i don't want you to rent it out to any other person......
I will inform company client I worked in the states for before I quit to arrange for my last payment to you so that you can deduct the payment of the room out of it. You seem to be a very good and nice person. I want you to know that i'm a very straight forward and honest person. I contacted the person who i worked for when i was in the states. The man is owing me and he is ready to pay me with check. I will be paying ahead my arrival for a month, which is very importan t and that will secure the Place for me, and as soon as I arrive others important things will be taken care of before moving in the Place.
I want you t o know that the first month payment will be made in full via Certified Bank Cashier's Check or Money Order and that will stand as commitment ahead my arrival. So i will inform him to issue out the check to you, so that the check can stand as the payment of the room. All you got to do now is to send me your full name name, contact address and phone number so that i can forward it to my client who will issue the check out to you. As soon as i get these info i requested for, i will forward them to my client immediately.
As soon as you receive the check you will deduct the first month plus deposit out from the Check, and you will now help me forward the remaining balance to my traveling manager so that i can use it to book for my flight back to the states, when i get to the states i will pay the rest. I just want to make sure i get the room before i get back to the state. I will like stay there for a year even more that till when i will have my own personal place but I will prefer month to month lease.
More About me: ABOUT ME:
Name: Rose Kelly
E yes: Black
Age: 26yrs
Height: 5' 6' (167cm)
Weight: 122 pounds (55.0 kg)
Body Style: Athletic/Fit Activity
Level: Active
Smoking: No
Drinking: So cially
Marital Status: Single
Children: I have no kids
Sign: Virgo
Languages I speak: English & Spanish Ethnicity: Spanish
Religion:Catholic/Christianity
Education: MCSA/MCSE
Occupation: Fashion Designer
My favorites are;
My favorite cuisines: Barbecue, Chinese/Dim Sum, Deli, Eastern-European, Fast Food/Pizza, French, Greek,Indian, Italian, Japanese/Sushi, Mexican, Seafood,
Soul Food, Thai, Vietnamese
My favorite music: Dance/Electronic, Disco, Easy Listening, Pop/Top 40, Rap/Hip Hop, Soul/R&B and Soundtracks.
My favorite physical activities: Basketball, Working Out, Dancing, Swimming and Hiking/Walking.
I love traveling, sporting and enjoy meeting people. I don't smoke or drink but i do not mind people who do being around me. Am cool headed and easy going person with no criminal record and i like to have a roommate or unneighborly who is very responsible and understanding,someone i can really get a long. I do have a job lined up for me when i arrive there. As soon as you get this
mail pls get back to me with the info i requested for so that every thing can be done fast. I am so much interested in the place. Take care and I w ill be looking forward to hear from you soon.
Thanks and have a good time.
Warmest Regards,
Rose
Hmmm...so here's my response;
(I wrote it in Spanish, just because this clown couldn't know Spanish from Swahili. So I'll spare you the translation route.)
I have a three pets, a hyena, mountain lion and a water buffalo that are all inside pets. It's imperative that you stay on top of their droppings, as they sleep in your room.
I know you don't smoke or drink, but I smoke about 450 packs a day there's an operating Moon-shine still that will reside in your room, I hope that's ok.
Also, I have a conjoined Siamese twin named Horonomous that is normally calm, but does have Tourette syndrome and will stike out to anyone or anything within 10 feet. You are required to be armed with a tranquilizer gun at all times when in the house.
The front yard is beautiful, and I would expect you help keep it that way. I will require at least 13 hours of yard work a day. It doesn't matter if you do it in the day time or at night.
We are in the flight path of a major airport. Typically about 1 or 2 commercial airliners crash into the house a week. It's ok, as I'm an excellent handyman and I will have the house rebuilt in a couple of days. I'll need some help...you can dip your self in tar & feathers and parade around the property to attract the wolves, which helps distract the knife wielding monkeys that live in our illustrious trees.
We will have house guests, my friends the Hell's Angels, Mongrols, and frequently Lucifer will pay us a visit. But no worries, Lucifer always posses Horonomous. Again the traniqualizer gun.
Please contact me soon!
(Habla Espanol??)
Skunk