13 reasons to smile

[FL FISHERMAN]

13 Reasons to Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my
own pants.


Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed
up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky
dunk."



Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can
in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.


Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English,
thank a soldier !!"