Things Never Say To A Cop

[Orest]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

[HighCap56]

When I moved to VA last summer, I was driving on 264 and passed a trooper doing about 70...

Of couse, on came the blue lights.

Instead of stopping though, I sped up to 75, then to 85 before coming to my senses and pulling over.

The trooper got out of the car and I even saw him unsnap his holster.

He came to my window, asked for my license, looked at it for a minute and said...

"Mr. Bryant, I get off work in 10 minutes. If you can give me one good reason why you increased your speed when I signaled for you to stop, I will let you off"

I look at him with the most deadpan face I could muster and said...

"Sir, 10 years ago my wife ran away with a Virgina State Trooper and I was afraid you were bringing her back!"

He laughed, handed me my license and got back in his car.

[BrokenRod]

HighCap, ROFLMAO

Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease!!
Take Someone Fishin

[sand flea]

I had an ex-girlfriend get pulled over one time. The cop said, "Did you know you were going way over the speed limit?"

She looked at him, deadpan, and said, "No, but I passed some guy who was."

He busted out laughing and let her go. True story. Amazes me the crap women get away with...

[rattler]

my sister was a big drink and driver when younger..she just puked and said she was sick and going to the hospital..got a ride to the e room, but never got a ticket...

[JIGMAKER]

A few more:

Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's lightstand.

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops ?

Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad cop! No donut!

Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?


Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to the .45 under my shirt.

Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

Wanna race to the station, Sparky?

I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

You'll never get those cuffs on me...

Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

Hey wasn't your daughter a porK queen?

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

Hey officer is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

I'm surprised you stopped me, DUNKIN DONUTS has a 3 for 1 special!

Fill it up with supreme - and check the oil while you're at it.

So uh, you on the take or what?

I only had one officer Mr. Keg

"Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.

Hey fat boy, I just left your house.

Wanna beer?

While you're here, is someone else staking out the Donut Shop?

Which is more expensive...a speeding ticket or possession of a trunk full of weed?

Why don't you go home and beat your nightstick!

Didn't know a police uniform could stretch that much.

Does this meet your Quota or will this mindless speed trap continue?

Weren't you Ponch on CHIPS?

Hey, you look like that girl I ****** a few days ago...

No, YOU assume the position.

If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?

No, offi, offic, lucifer...I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog

No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110mph

But officer, I've got 2 different drivers licenses from 2 different states! Pick ONE!

I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!

On the way to the station, let's get a six pack, oh and don't forget the cigs.

So that's what those flashing lights in the school zone mean?

What do you use those rubber gloves for anyway?

When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.

After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name.

Ask if he watches Cops

When they come to the window, say "i want a big mac and some fries"

Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party

If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front

The gun is registered in (any other state than you are currently in)

Hey, I know (insert name)

Hey, I'm related to (insert name)

Do you know who I am?